Love wash over a multitude of things

Jesus save us from a multitude of things

Make us whole.

There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to wait while we’re working it out
So come with your love and wash over us

When It Was Over by. Sara Groves

The last time I saw Sydney was July 17, 2011. It was after church. I went up to her and gave her a hug. She stayed seated and seemed weighed down. I knew she had not been feeling well. We talked for a bit.

She grabbed my hand and said that she would like for  me to come over to her house very soon. She wanted me to sit by her bed and just pray with her. I would have liked nothing more than to spend that special time together.

The next day, I got sick. It turned into a bad two-week summer cold which finally went away while I was at camp. The next week, we went to the beach to celebrate my girls birthday’s with my family. I got home to begin school on Monday August 15th as Sydney began radiation on August 17th.

Twelve days later, she was gone.

I did not get to sit by her bed. I did not get to pray with her.

Grieving is hard. It is like an unruly toddler. Some days it won’t come when it’s called. It is illusive and slips away. Then on other days it follows you around like a shadow. It grabs relentlessly at your pants leg, begging you to stop and bend down to pick it up.

Yesterday morning, I sat and let grief crawl up into my lap. I read countless emails that I have saved through the years and notes that Sydney and I had written to each other. I cried. I laughed. And I remembered.

I realized that our relationship has always been one of comfort and encouragement from a distance. Tons of emails, even before her diagnosis, that were prayers, verses, and words of love and affirmation.

I realized that though I did not get to sit with her in the last month like she wanted, that she was never farther away than a prayer.

Which is still true today.