As I sit and reflect on a memory that transpired long ago
I see myself basking in the gifts only a summer day can bestow.
We swam all day and with sun ripened cheeks, I longed to rest for a while
So, I got out of the pool, called in the reserves to turn over the watch of my child.
She was my youngest and not yet three, so required an attentive eye
Because unable to swim the dilemma was in she was convinced otherwise.
Sitting off in the distance, I let my mind wander and noticed we’d outplayed the sun
It was exhausted and fading down low, mixing all of its colors into one.
Something caught my eye, but I was unsure if what I had seen had been right
Because no one else seemed to notice those little blond curls go under and slip out of sight.
Time stood still in what my mind could not comprehend
My body went tight, stone cold lost in fright; it would not obey my commands.
Then mother’s instinct rang true as I ran and plunged into the water
In a desperate pursuit armed with inconceivable love, I raced to save my small daughter.
From my lofty position, I reached down to the depths and with one final act she was safe
Trembling and eyes full of tears, she found comfort in my embrace.
With a cursory glance, the story has a happy ending it would seem to appear.
But look closer and see it was when she first tasted helplessness mingled with fear.
What I cannot erase was staring down at her face through the water and seeing her eyes
They were begging for mercy and revealed an utter dependence on me in order to survive.
Terror expressed not uttering a sound while her lungs were filled with a drink
She raised up her arms in one last attempt as her body continued to sink.
Too many visions emblazoned but one that I can never let go
Is when the light and water blended together, in her face was the reflection of my own.
With all of these thoughts is what you really wanted me to see
Is no matter how hard I try to deny, the little girl under the water is me.
Because I am stunned to consider how my whole life has been a vigilant attempt
To never find myself drowning in the pool of dependence and helplessness again.
What pride I did take in the life I had made, where desire and need never showed
How could I have known that burying those things meant I had disappeared long ago.
So I sit and reflect on how to accept what my daughter discovered one day,
That it is only from a desperate position that you see a Savior’s face.
I remember that moment when I raised up my arms hoping for a rescue to come
And you came down, lifted me up out of a mire where I was left lost and alone.
You called me your own and promised a treasure I could never lose,
Even if everyday I still fight the battle to not take my eyes off of you.
I’m thankful for the memory where I can look back and ponder
The Father who pursues the prodigals with a terrible tendency to wander.
Away from the fold but never too far from Your gaze and affection,
Only to return and see in your Heavenly face, our own beautiful Reflections.