I love the painting by Charlie Maccerz that is featured on my blog. Word press only had a template that would allow me to use a fraction of it. But here is what you are not seeing when you visit.

This is very special to me. It is the answer to some heavy questions i had for many years. Questions like….”who are you, God? Really? and who are you in relation to me and my story?”  There is a whole other deeply personal element that goes with this painting…but that is for another day.

Today, i am just remembering…the big picture. It was not my intent when i woke up this morning. I have a list a mile long, since we are leaving for camp in a few days.(i may have mentioned that.) But, i am also going to a home school conference where i will finish purchasing all of our items needed to begin school in august, which brings me to an entirely different list.

But, i kind of got side tracked this morning. I was looking through an old box of pictures for the photographs of our 19 yellow lab puppies that i’ve mentioned in previous blog posts. They are incredible whether you are a dog person or not. It’s puppies, after all.

like this one….

or the one of how we got them all outside….

But, then i began pulling out old photographs of me in high school and college.  and they are very sad pictures, mostly. I don’t even recognize that person anymore. by sight anyway. i was so lost, and in so much pain. for so long.

Then there were the letters and journals of a young woman in deep struggle, who was being strangled by such big questions in her life.

So much sadness. so much loss.

Some people would wonder i guess, why i would keep such things. I wonder that myself, at times. But, if i didn’t…..how would i remember?

How would i remember how far i have come? How would i stay humble in all that God and my community have done for me? I know my own heart and tendency to try to gloss over pain. To pretend. To think that my life has always had as much joy and community as it has right now.

But that is not the whole story. And forgetting that….is only giving a fraction of the picture.

psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as i walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.”

*now, i’m off to target….with my list.